Life Update

Completely unrelated to today’s post, but here’s a picture from the island of La Graciosa, looking towards Lanzarote from our holiday earlier this year as I wasn’t sure what else to put here! :)

I always feel like Autumn brings a fresh start, and I’m starting this season with an update and an effort to shift my mental and writers’ blocks.

I shared earlier this year about how I felt I’ve lost my way by listening to advice from too many people who claim they have it all figured out and have a magic solution if you’re willing to pay for it (side note, there’s no such thing as a one-size-fits-all solution in business), but being bombarded with this crap has really affected my willingness to put my work out there.

And this is what brought it to a head:

My husband, who had been waiting for over two years to get an allotment, finally got one and started a blog about it.

Watching him turn his laptop on every night to post an update and share pictures of what he’s been doing has made me smile; he’s putting it out there because he’s passionate about it, and I love that.

I used to do the same until I was brainwashed into thinking that I needed to “fix” my business.

Events this year have given me some time to reflect on where I am right now, and because I find it helpful to hammer these things out on my keyboard, I’m sharing them here with you today.

So, things basically went tits up when I took on a new job a year ago, thinking it would be better for family life.

The result was it made my business suffer and I ended up taking on more responsibilities at home. I felt anxious going in to work every day because I knew the job wasn’t a good fit for me and I was being called out of work to pick our son up from school when he was struggling week after week, which made me feel pulled in all directions.

But it was losing my dad in April that made me take stock of everything.

My dad was diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease around 8 years ago and his health had declined. After downsizing to a flat from his childhood home and having knee replacement surgery, he made the decision to go into a care home to recuperate. It was the best thing for him, and I’m so glad he received the care he needed in his last few months.

In dad’s favourite place, Torquay.

Looks like I loved that book!

Me and Dad on my wedding day

Dad’s mental health was getting worse; he was experiencing hallucinations and was often confused and it was hard for me to manage and come to terms with.

He’d not long turned 70, but he looked so much older.

I got a call one Saturday to say he was unwell but alert, and they were calling an ambulance to get him checked over. Late that evening, I got a call from the hospital:

“We’re really sorry, but your dad has aspirated pneumonia. We’re treating him and he may recover, but I need to warn you that these things rarely improve.”

My heart sank. We woke Z up and drove to my mum and step-dad’s home in Cardiff so I would be closer to the hospital in Newport if I needed to go in. After lying in bed awake all night, the phone call from the hospital came at 5am:

“I’m sorry love, I don’t think you’re going to make it to him in time.”

I made it to the hospital not long after he passed. I knew that I wouldn’t have made it in time, but I just wished I’d made more of an effort to get over on the Saturday. I sat by his body and told him I was sorry and that I loved him.

I still struggle to put on the jumper I was wearing that day.

So with funeral arrangements to organise and trying to go back to my part-time job, I really struggled to have the head space for anything else.

My dad always wanted me to focus on my business full-time. I knew I needed to go back to my evening job, where I felt valued, and start building my business back up, as life’s too short and Elsa Rose is what I want to focus on.

Old job secured, I waited out my final weeks in my other job.

Two days before the end of term, I was involved in a horrible accident in the playground, where I was pushed to the ground and fractured my pelvis in two places.

I was so upset - I’d recently paid for a stand at the Big South West Wedding Fair and had so many ideas and plans for my business, but I was struggling to sit for long periods of time, constantly tired and in a lot of pain.

But the summer progressed and my body started to heal. I can now walk with a crutch but they said it could take a year to get full mobility back. I’m fortunate that I was able to start my evening job to keep money coming in, and the team I work with are so incredibly supportive.

My days have been spent creating beautiful things for my upcoming shows. I’ve revamped a few designs and am so excited to share the new pieces with you soon!

This year also sees my 10 year anniversary - in business and in marriage. I also turned 40 this year, not long after dad died, and I feel more together and have more belief in myself than I have in the last decade.

Sometimes we have to fall apart to find our strength and motivation for something.

Or maybe we just need someone to remind us of where we started, and how much it meant to us in the beginning.

For more information about the Big South West Wedding Fair, including tickets, click here. I hope to see you there!