How To Be Authentically (And Unapologetically!) You On Your Wedding Day
I’ll be honest. I never felt like a “real bride” when we were planning our wedding.
To be fair, I have no idea what I thought these typically bridal brides would feel, but I felt like I didn’t “fit” the title, if you know what I mean?
I hear it a lot from you too.
Maybe we have this expectation that wedding planning is glamourous and it’s all fizz, wedding fayres, trying on hundreds of dresses and everyone crying when you find “the one,” but, let’s be real for a sec. Wedding planning can be an absolute pain in the arse.
The RSVPs don’t come back, you’re pressured to invite kids when you want an adult-only day, sorting out the table plan is a nightmare…
But all the while we’re posting to our Instagram grids happy pictures of us smiling like “we’ve got this,” apologising to our followers when we don’t post anything for a few weeks as a) things have gone quiet as we’re waiting for stuff to arrive or b) we’ve run out of inspirational content from elsewhere to post.
Side note: Why do we feel the need to apologise? If you find yourself writing the following words “I’m sorry for being MIA…” in your next caption - stop. You don’t need to give an explanation. The world will not fall apart because you didn’t post a picture of your engagement ring this week. Promise.
The industry is built on perfection and beauty though so it’s hard not to imagine our wedding day in its most perfect, Pinterest-worthy form, making it hard for us to appreciate that what brings the real beauty and character to a wedding is who we are.
So rather than trying to keep up appearances, let’s look at how we can navigate planning a wedding without losing ourselves in the process.
Decide what you like, discard what you don’t
It’s easy to get swept up in what everyone else is doing or what’s trending on the socials and in magazines and our primal instinct is to fit in and follow the crowd. But have you and your partner sat down and really talked about how you see your wedding day unfolding?
The more ideas we see, the more we start to think we need them on our big day, but the truth is, all you really need for a wedding is the two of you, a registrar, a venue and a couple of witnesses. The rest is all open to interpretation.
So why do we get bogged down with all the details?
I personally think it’s a bit of FOMO mixed with keeping up with the Jones’. Is the day going to be a disaster if you don’t get the sweet cart and the photo booth? Do you actually want the Charlotte Mills shoes three other brides you follow on Instagram are having?
Sitting down together, looking through ideas and making notes of what you both want to include is a good place to start. There’s no right or wrong here; what you want is what you want and that’s ok - you don’t need anyone to validate that, especially a bunch of people you don’t even know in a Facebook group.
By deciding on your “must-haves,” you’ll find that you can prioritise your planning and budget better, investing in the areas that matter most to you rather than splashing cash on things you didn’t really want in the first place.
Be mindful of who you ask for opinions
While most people are well-meaning, sometimes all you want to hear is yes and instead you get some very honest opinions that start you questioning all your choices.
I had it with the food at our wedding and my brooch bouquet. And I know I’m not alone.
Get comfortable finding out what you like first. It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks; it’s your wedding day and that means you get to choose everything you like.
Because wedding planning consumes a lot of our time, we start to believe that other people are as invested in our day as we are.
They’re not though. Because it’s not their special day.
They don’t see the bigger picture that you have, so their comments are often given out of context. I was told that my brooch bouquet would look like “an oversized Christmas decoration” by one person, but they didn’t know how I was planning to bring those details into other aspects of the day.
Their opinions don’t matter. This is hard to accept though if you’re a natural people pleaser, like me!
If you choose to share details about your day, be selective with who you share them with otherwise you could find yourself getting knocked off course by what other people think your wedding day should look like, rather than it being what you want.
Fill your day with personality
The one thing that makes your day special, and that no one else can replicate, is you! People talk about “vibes” all the time, and your day should have your vibe, be that calm and relaxed, full of energy, fun, colourful or luxuriously glamourous. Or a mixture!
I’ve been to a few weddings where the couple could have been anyone. There were few details that spoke of them and the whole feel of the wedding was very…vanilla. Pretty and sweet, but with no real character.
There are others I’ve been to though that have had subtle, or huge exclamations, of the people who’d planned it. I came away from each of these weddings feeling that I’d been part of something special.
It might come through the decorations you choose, your flowers, the centrepieces…it might be the Pokémon favours or the tables being named after your favourite books.
Once we start thinking about the things that make us happy, wedding planning starts to become a bit more fun again, because we’re celebrating what makes us unique.
Lead with style and leave the trends
Wedding trends are great for inspiration, but they don’t always translate for us on a personal level. I’m a big believer in finding things that feel natural to you, as they’ll make you feel like the best version of yourself on your big day, rather than someone else.
This doesn’t just apply to your outfit, but your whole look; do you feel more comfortable with your hair up or down? Do you prefer minimal make up or a more made-up look? Would you feel more comfortable in a pair of flats rather than heels?
If you’re not confident in your personal style, your suppliers can help you. Do your research and find people you click with as you’re likely to feel more comfortable and confident working with them and they in turn will get a better sense of who you are and be able to make better suggestions and help you bring your ideas to life.
Plan some time out into your wedding day
This one is a bit like setting boundaries, and it’s something I didn’t consider when we got married.
When we have a room full of people that we need to thank for coming, feed and entertain, the thought of just wandering off for a little bit feels weird.
Planning in a few 10 minute slots throughout the day, or half an hour or so away from everyone else will give you both the time to take stock of the fact that you are now married and stepping into the next stage of your life together.
My friend and her husband went to the beach for photos, just the two of them. Nobody batted an eyelid that they’d disappeared as there was so much going on. It gave them that private moment though to get some beautiful photos as the sun set and I can imagine they valued those precious moments together on their busy day.
Please don’t feel bad for taking some time for just the two of you on your wedding day. It really does go quickly, so steal the moments you can and make the most of them.
🧡
Have you got any other tips to help other couples feel more confident on their wedding day? Feel free to share below!
And if you found this post helpful, please share it with a friend who might also find it useful 😊